Friday

17 February 2017

— “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin.

Good Morning All,

Once every five years, C.I.S. was inspected by The New England Association of Schools and Colleges, or as we affectionally referred to it: NEAS&C. They were then and probably still are the benchmark for School Snooping. They had forms and checklists up the whazzo for us to fill out.

You can well imagine how much I enjoyed this official and anally compulsive/ retentive aspect of the ed. biz., but the people who actually came to snoop and sniff around were usually quite genial and somewhat flexible. 

For example, I succeeded in never having to show anyone any of my lesson plans. This was a good thing because I never (not in Africa, New England, or Denmark) actual wrote a single lesson plan. In my career as a teacher-cum-classroom-stand-up-comedian, the only achievement I am more proud of is that none of my kids ever failed the British Junior Certificate, the IB Exam, or any other external exam. Or, as my Swazi kids used to say, no one went under the bridge. (There were, okay, four or five kids wet up to their mid-thighs, but they managed to make it across.)

I cannot recall what subterfuges I used to avoid producing some lesson plans, but I suspect I would not have been above blaming my dog’s unusual dietary needs.

On the other hand, I have the NEAS&C to thank for making me write what was and probably always will be my best bit of non-fiction. We were informed by them that our English Department did not have an official philosophy, and one was required. I happened to be the head of the department at the time, largely because my three colleagues had brains enough not to want anything that was such a pain in the backside. When I asked for volunteers, they just grinned at me. 

So, of course I put it off and put it off until the night before it was due, then cracked a bottle of South Africa red, dipped my quill into it, and jotted the sucker down in about twenty minutes. 

I would attach it here now, but Esther says these natters are getting longer and longer, so I’ll save it for the morrow, trusting most of you will be able to get some sleep during the delay.

Go Well and Stay Well,

Bhekaron