Tuesday
14 November 2017

— Yikes, I slept in until nearly 6:30!

Good Morning All,

I’m still feeling sort of down about the school, so instead of inviting you to join in my depression, I shall share with you what my brother David sent yesterday.  They are all bits from newspapers, headlines, adverts, and news items in the same vein as one of my long-time favorites: Reagan to Have Tissue Removed from Nose.

 
1. Correction: Due to incorrect information received from the Clerk of Courts, Diane K. Merchant, 38, was incorrectly listed as being fined for prostitution in Wednesday’s paper. The charge should have been failure to stop at a railroad crossing.

2. Caskets Found as Workers Demolish Mausoleum.

3. Police desk: Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks.

4. Fish Need Water, Feds Say.

5. An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 dollars has gone missing after being painted with camouflage.

6. One-Armed Man Applauds Kindness of Strangers.

7. Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says.

8. 2:58 p.m.: The Learning Centre in Hanson Street reports a man across the way stands at his window for hours watching the center, making parents nervous. Police ID the subject as a cardboard cutout of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

9. Miscellaneous: Dog Attack: Police responded to a report of two dogs running loose and attacking ducks at about 11:20 a.m. Sunday. The officer cited a resident for the loose dogs. The ducks refused medical treatment and left the area.

10. FOR SALE - collection of old people. Call 253 - 7409.

11. FULL SIZE Mattress. Royal Tonic, 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. $40.00. (818) - 222- 4287.

12. 1995 NISSAN Maxima, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition, $4,500. Not for sale.

13. TOMBSTONE: Standard gray. Good buy for someone named Grady. 508-375- 7163.

14. Deborah Jackson said she likes shopping at the Dollar Palace because it’s convenient and casual. “I don’t have to get all dressed up like I’m going to Wal-Mart or something.”

15. Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement.

16. Marijuana issue sent to joint committee.

17. Man beats off cougar with bare hands.

18. Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism.

19. 17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree.

20. Stoned Wallabies Make Crop Circles.

21. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.

22. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies.

23. Gorillas Vow to Kill Khomeini.

24. Authorities Register Biggest Heroine Bust.

25. Man Booked for Wreckless Driving.

Probably, #1 cracks me up most. I can’t help imagining Diane K. Merchant’s husband sitting opposite her at the breakfast table Wednesday morning (the day before) while he’s reading the paper and reachers the police blotter just as she says, “Anything interesting in the news, honey?”

But probably #12 is my favourite.

Go Well and Stay Well,

Bhekaron

P.S. Two Holly Snaps: