20 November 2917
— under a clear, pale blue sky.
Good Morning All,
I have to be at my doctor’s at 10:00 this morning for routine blood tests, one to see if I have a vitamin B12 deficiency, which may be causing my occasional dizziness, and one for the Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) test. When I mentioned this to my kids in an e-mail a while ago, I erroneously called it the PSI test. Holly wrote back to say it was about a half an hour before she could get up off the floor, and to wish that my Pounds per Square Inch exam went well.
Anyway, just in case I woke late this morning and hadn’t time to write a decent natter, I collected a few of my favorite jokes last night before hitting the feathers. I hope you will enjoy them as much as the newspaper items the other day, and the puns earlier:
1. A drunk at a bar says to the drunk next to him, “Say, buddy, didn’t I run into you in Cleveland last summer?”
“Couldn’t have,” the other drunk replies, “never been in Cleveland.”
The first drunk says, “Yeah, me neither. Musta been two other guys.”
2. True story: Ralph Bunche, an African-American who won the 1950 Nobel Peace Prize for his late 1940s mediation in Israel, is mowing his law in a Washington, D.C., suburb. A southern senator happens by and says, “Boy, how much they pay you for that?” Bunche instantly replies, “Well, boss, dey don’t pay me nuffin, but I gits ta sleep wiff duh woman of duh house.”
3. The psychiatrist is showing his patient Rorschach ink-blots and asking him what he sees. The man says, “A man and a woman having sex … a man and a goat having sex … two men having sex with one woman.”
The shrink says, “Jeeze, you have a really dirty mind!”
The patient replies, “Me? You’re the pervert showing me all the dirty pictures.”
4. Three guys in a pub are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. After a while, one of them turns to another man sitting on his right and says, “Well, what about you, pal, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
“Me?” the third man says. “Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys are amazed. “What happened then?”
“Nothing much,” the third man says, “other than her telling me to get out from under the bed and fight like a man.”
5. Math teacher to students: “If A can pick 28 apples in 7 minutes, and B can pick forty apples in twice the time C can pick 47 apples in 23 minutes, how many apples can be picked in an hour if actual human beings are doing the picking?”
6. Q: What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A: A condescending con descending.
7. A woman asks her aerobics teacher if he can show her how to do the splits. The teacher says probably but it will depend upon how flexible she is. She says, “Any day but Tuesdays.”
8. Mother: “Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?”
Son: “Mom, how many times do I have to tell you my name is Paul.”
9. Noah kept his bees in the ark hives.
“Me?” the third man says. “Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys are amazed. “What happened then?”
“Nothing much,” the third man says, “other than her telling me to get out from under the bed and fight like a man.”
5. Math teacher to students: “If A can pick 28 apples in 7 minutes, and B can pick forty apples in twice the time C can pick 47 apples in 23 minutes, how many apples can be picked in an hour if actual human beings are doing the picking?”
6. Q: What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A: A condescending con descending.
7. A woman asks her aerobics teacher if he can show her how to do the splits. The teacher says probably but it will depend upon how flexible she is. She says, “Any day but Tuesdays.”
8. Mother: “Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?”
Son: “Mom, how many times do I have to tell you my name is Paul.”
9. Noah kept his bees in the ark hives.
10. Guru sitting in robe on rocky ledge to man in mountain climbing gear: “Life is like a butterfly.”
Mountain climber: “I climb all the way up here and you tell me life is like a butterfly? Don’t be absurd!”
Guru, with alarmed expression: “You mean life isn’t like a butterfly?"
11. Two elephants are watching a man skinny-dipping in a pool on the Zambezi River. One says to other, “I don’t know about you, Murray, but I just don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing.”
12. Two drunks staggering along the railroad tracks. One says, “I don’t mind the steps but these low railings are killing me.”
13. This one’s my all time favorite (which makes me think I’ve probably told it twice already): The headmistress of a girl’s school asks a local minister to come and give the girls a chat on sex education. He agrees, but--since his wife is a bit squeamish about such things--writes in his desk appointment book: Give girls a chat on sailing.
A couple of days after the talk, the headmistress sees the wife outside the library and goes over to tell her how wonderful her husband’s talk had been.
“I’m glad to hear it,” says the wife, “but also surprised, since he’s only tried it twice. The first time he got all wet, and the second time his hat blew off.”
11. Two elephants are watching a man skinny-dipping in a pool on the Zambezi River. One says to other, “I don’t know about you, Murray, but I just don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing.”
12. Two drunks staggering along the railroad tracks. One says, “I don’t mind the steps but these low railings are killing me.”
13. This one’s my all time favorite (which makes me think I’ve probably told it twice already): The headmistress of a girl’s school asks a local minister to come and give the girls a chat on sex education. He agrees, but--since his wife is a bit squeamish about such things--writes in his desk appointment book: Give girls a chat on sailing.
A couple of days after the talk, the headmistress sees the wife outside the library and goes over to tell her how wonderful her husband’s talk had been.
“I’m glad to hear it,” says the wife, “but also surprised, since he’s only tried it twice. The first time he got all wet, and the second time his hat blew off.”
Go Well and Stay Well,
Bhekaron
P.S. Two Johs snaps from Jordan:
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