20 October 2017
— my oak tree having swapped her saffron gown for a blood-orange party frock.
Good Morning All,
It is now mid-October, and I am congratulating myself for going over nine months without once using this space to abuse you with recently heard puns and one-liners, regardless of how hilarious most of them were.
On the other hand, I did keep notes. So, humor me, especially since I will bet your three farthings and two pesos you cannot get through the side-splitters below without at least cracking a smile:
Q: What did the Buddhist monk ask the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
Q: Why aren’t koalas actually bears?
A: The don’t meet the koalafications.
Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?
A: It scares the crap out of their dogs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
A: Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
Q: A bartender asks a pirate if he realizes he has a steering wheel attached to his belt buckle.
A: The pirate says, “Arrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl taking a leak?
A: Its P is silent.
Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape!
A: Oh My God, breathe, buddy, breathe!
Q: My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep …
A: Unlike grandma and the two hitchhikers in the backseat.
Q: About a month before he died my uncle had his back covered with lard.
A: After that, he went down hill fast.
Q: What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts cost $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.
Q: What did the termite say after he walked into a pub and looked around?
A: Where is the bar tender?”
Q: To a vegan what is more gross than a butcher?
A: A guy who sells fruit.
Q: You are a terrible railway engineer! How many trains did you derail last month?
A: Golly, I don’t know, it’s so hard to keep track.
Q: What do you say to a hitch-hiker with only one leg?
A: Hop in.
Go Well and Stay Well,
Bhekaron
P.S. What? You want one more? Okay, if you insist:
In the great desert lived a tribe of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank, due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.
After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing the beard in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.
When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, dire? The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."
Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.
Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.
The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.”
After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing the beard in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.
When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, dire? The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."
Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.
Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.
The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.”
P.P.S. Two Holly snaps:
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